Si Legebis, Scribam

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.
-- Quentin Crisp

This doesn't quite apply to me, as I'm not writing for profit at all, but of the two remaining choices, I have to go with the latter. I think that I've always written for myself, and to help myself understand what and how I think. I never have anything inspired to say, and I usually do write just because I have nothing better to do.

But I'd be lying to myself if I said that I didn't want people to read what I have to say. Maybe I want people to tell me that I make sense, or that what I have to say is interesting. Maybe I need validation for what I do. Even the entries that I write but don't publish because I don't want someone to read them, I want them to be read eventually, if only so that part of my life will be preserved.

Really, though, am I alone in this? Does anyone actually write just for themselves? I very much doubt that anyone does. Even the people with secret diaries probably hope, in their heart of hearts, that someone will find it, read it, and comfort them for their heartbreaks, congratulate them for their cleverness, and just come to an understanding of them in general. That's really what it all comes down to. People write to be understood.

I wrote a while ago that an essay is a facet of the author, and that the only essay that would ever be truly "completed" would be one that encompasses all of the author's thoughts and experiences. This implies that every human experience is connected in some way or another. The farther I come along in my liberal education, the more I tend to agree with that implication. It also implies that honest writing is a deeply personal act. There are all sorts of cliches that come to mind: pouring one's soul onto the page, sharing one's self with one's readers, baring everything, etc. Cliches are, well, cliche... but for something to become cliche, it must be used regularly - and to be used regularly, there must be something about them that people understand. They have a kernel of truth in them.

So people write, and in doing so they are revealing part of themselves to their readers. Why do this? Do all people seek validation for the way they think, and the way they are? Or perhaps they have realized things that they want their readers to also realize? I suppose it depends on the writer. And maybe that's exactly what Quentin Crisp was talking about - maybe the writers seeking validations are the ones who have nothing better to do on a winter evenings, and the writers trying to share a realization are the ones who want to speak to the world.

I'm still not quite sure which one I am. I don't necessarily have anything important to tell to anyone, though I know a few people are amused by my writing. But I don't think I'm writing just for validation, either. Perhaps a simple dichotomy is too restrictive, and there's a third option out there. I'll figure it out someday.

But as for now, I must wrap this up. I have better things to do on this long winter evening.