Strangely enough, the English idiom "to undertake" is a direct translation of the Latin "suscipere", derived from "sub" (under), and "capere" (to take, capture, seize). The fact that I find this interesting makes me suspect that I would be happy as a clam doing nothing but etymology for the rest of my life. If only I could make money at it...
Maybe the reason that I enjoy language so much is because I can use it to make myself seem superior to other people. It's sort of a false intelligence. I've never felt as smart as those with whom I end up being close friends. And honestly, I'm not saying this as a self-pity thing. I know I'm smarter than the average bear. But whenever I'm in the company of my closest friends (actually, just certain ones) and a serious conversation starts, I always feel like I'm out of my depth. It's most likely just the fact that I'm actually being intellectually challenged, and I'm not used to that, so it makes me nervous. But in any case, I feel motivated to have something that I can feel smart about. And I've always been interested in language.
Did you know that the Latin word for language, "lingua, -ae (f)", is actually literally translated as "tongue"? I suppose in hindsight it should have been obvious from "cunnilingus", but to be honest, I don't think about that word too often.
Anyway, the truth is that having these tidbits of information is somehow fun for me. And I actually enjoy studying Latin. But then, I always have been something of a geek. This aspect of geekiness is different from my usual geekiness, though. When it comes to computers, my knowledge is purely practical. I know how to configure an Apache server with mod_ssl and mod_perl because I want to use it. I can write a rudimentary content management system in perl because it's necessary for the site I put together. I guess that's another area of knowledge where I can feel superior to those around me, but unlike etymology (or rules of grammar), I'm doing it in order to use it, not in order to feel smart. Though in using these things, I can feel smart. So that's knowledge for utility's sake, while the Latin and the etymology is knowledge for knowledge's sake.
It's oddly appropriate, too: the knowledge for utility's sake is the knowledge that could earn me a lot of money sometime in the future, if I were to pursue it. The knowledge for knowledge's sake can't get me any farther than a college teaching job and maybe a quirky book on the history of words that no one would read. That's what my parents have been telling me all along. I told them that college was more than vocational training, that it was also making me a well-rounded and well-educated member of society, and they laughed at me. My dad had a good long belly laugh, and my mom let out a sharp little "Ha ha!" This seemed pretty ironic to me, as my dad has master's degrees in music and theology, and is now a pastor, while my mom gives piano lessons and teaches highschool music.
Well, I suppose that they would have first-hand experiences of the subject at had, so maybe they are right. Maybe knowledge for knowledge's sake is doomed to be relegated to the realm of liberal arts professors. But while I'm here in college, I figure I might as well do the stuff that I enjoy, and pick up a Classics minor while I'm doing it. And maybe I'll have the balls to reject money in favor of something I enjoy. I did it before, I can do it again.
Non credo pecuniam esse rem maximam.
A Drunken Request
OK, I've written this (while drunk) and revised it (while drunk) and decided to post it (while drunk). But I have a feeling that I'll delete it (while sober). If I don't... well, good for me, I've actually written something of which I'm not ashamed (while drunk). If I do delete it... that means that this post really has very little merit or truth, and you should disregard it.
Looking into the mirror, I see the face of someone too drunk to understand what's going on. A paradox, really. How am I making such a keen observation of my own lack of the ability to make keen observations? A mystery of the world, I guess. Maybe I'm just a good actor, and I would actually be a really good poker player while drunk. Or maybe I'm just really bad at reading people, including myself. I think that that might be the case.
Being single isn't all it's cracked up to be. I knew I wouldn't like it, but going back into it is like getting a bucket of cold water splashed across the face. There's a lovely sense of security in going to a party knowing that you don't really have to accomplish anything at all, you can just have a good time. I do realize that that's true even while single. But some part of my subconscious always feels guilty if I leave a party not having danced with a girl, or had a good drunken conversation with one. I guess that my subconscious is a complete dick.
And I actually did accomplish something along those lines at tonight's party. I called in a promise from a friend's girlfriend, who told me a long time ago that she would find me a girl if I ever broke up with my (then current) girlfriend. So I drunkely asked her to give me some possibilities. She promised to do so gladly, saying that I am one of the sweetest guys she knows, and that it would be easy to find a girl for me, and that doing so would be her pleasure. It made me happy, until I started to sober up a bit.
Strangely enough, there was a mirror at the entrance to the main room of this party. I saw myself in it as I walked by and wondered what she saw in me. Or what any girl sees in me, for that matter. I don't really have all that much. Relying on being a "nice guy" really makes me nervous, because it always seems that I end up being "just friends". If I had a nickel for every time a girl has said "just friends" to me, I'd have like a buck. What makes her (my friend's girlfriend) think that she can change anything?
Or maybe I should be asking myself what I can change about myself. Do nice guys really finish last? Do I need to be more of an asshole to be able to get and keep a girl? Honestly, I've seen it work numerous times. So maybe I should try being the asshole once, to see what happens... Shit, I'm going to say no to that just on principle, because I don't like the idea. I just need to find the proverbial "one", and it won't matter that I'm a nice guy.
But does "the one" even exist? And if so, how will I know? Love at first sight is so out, because I don't trust my instincts even for picking out a beverage at a fast food joint. Maybe a slow progression toward it, starting as friends and ending as perfect lovers? Nah, that leaves way too much room for it ending at "just friends" like it always seems to. I guess just the "Nice to meet you. You want to go get a cup of coffee?" would work. I just need to find a girl whom I find to be worth taking out, but to whom I haven't introduced myself. So really this whole getting set up thing might be the perfect idea. She'll be expecting me to ask her out right away, and we'll be able to jump right into dating before I become too much of a friend to make it impossible.
Or maybe I'm just trying to rationalize a drunken request that I'm thinking might have been a mistake at this point. I don't really need to start anything right now, even though being single does suck a lot. I just got out of a relationship, maybe I should let it settle in my mind a bit first. But it's all in the past now. All I can do is wait to see who she has in mind for me, and hope for the best.
I have a feeling that that's all I'll ever be able to do.
Looking into the mirror, I see the face of someone too drunk to understand what's going on. A paradox, really. How am I making such a keen observation of my own lack of the ability to make keen observations? A mystery of the world, I guess. Maybe I'm just a good actor, and I would actually be a really good poker player while drunk. Or maybe I'm just really bad at reading people, including myself. I think that that might be the case.
Being single isn't all it's cracked up to be. I knew I wouldn't like it, but going back into it is like getting a bucket of cold water splashed across the face. There's a lovely sense of security in going to a party knowing that you don't really have to accomplish anything at all, you can just have a good time. I do realize that that's true even while single. But some part of my subconscious always feels guilty if I leave a party not having danced with a girl, or had a good drunken conversation with one. I guess that my subconscious is a complete dick.
And I actually did accomplish something along those lines at tonight's party. I called in a promise from a friend's girlfriend, who told me a long time ago that she would find me a girl if I ever broke up with my (then current) girlfriend. So I drunkely asked her to give me some possibilities. She promised to do so gladly, saying that I am one of the sweetest guys she knows, and that it would be easy to find a girl for me, and that doing so would be her pleasure. It made me happy, until I started to sober up a bit.
Strangely enough, there was a mirror at the entrance to the main room of this party. I saw myself in it as I walked by and wondered what she saw in me. Or what any girl sees in me, for that matter. I don't really have all that much. Relying on being a "nice guy" really makes me nervous, because it always seems that I end up being "just friends". If I had a nickel for every time a girl has said "just friends" to me, I'd have like a buck. What makes her (my friend's girlfriend) think that she can change anything?
Or maybe I should be asking myself what I can change about myself. Do nice guys really finish last? Do I need to be more of an asshole to be able to get and keep a girl? Honestly, I've seen it work numerous times. So maybe I should try being the asshole once, to see what happens... Shit, I'm going to say no to that just on principle, because I don't like the idea. I just need to find the proverbial "one", and it won't matter that I'm a nice guy.
But does "the one" even exist? And if so, how will I know? Love at first sight is so out, because I don't trust my instincts even for picking out a beverage at a fast food joint. Maybe a slow progression toward it, starting as friends and ending as perfect lovers? Nah, that leaves way too much room for it ending at "just friends" like it always seems to. I guess just the "Nice to meet you. You want to go get a cup of coffee?" would work. I just need to find a girl whom I find to be worth taking out, but to whom I haven't introduced myself. So really this whole getting set up thing might be the perfect idea. She'll be expecting me to ask her out right away, and we'll be able to jump right into dating before I become too much of a friend to make it impossible.
Or maybe I'm just trying to rationalize a drunken request that I'm thinking might have been a mistake at this point. I don't really need to start anything right now, even though being single does suck a lot. I just got out of a relationship, maybe I should let it settle in my mind a bit first. But it's all in the past now. All I can do is wait to see who she has in mind for me, and hope for the best.
I have a feeling that that's all I'll ever be able to do.
Single Again For the First Time
I went in to the relationship knowing on one level that there was very little chance that it would last. Maybe an idealistic part of me wanted it to go a farther. But it didn't. She initiated the breakup, but it was pretty much a mutual thing. I'm taking it about as well as I ever imagined I possibly could have taken my first breakup.
The instant she said "we need to talk" I knew what was going to happen. Over the few minutes it took me to get over there to talk to her face to face, I doubted it for a bit, but I wasn't really fooling anyone. I knew as soon as she asked to talk.
Typical, storyboarded emotional responses ran through my head at that instant... Should I get mad? "Fuck her for breaking up with me! The bitch! How many times am I going to hear the 'just friends' line from a girl?" No, no, that really doesn't fit at all with the situation... We are just friends, and I can't really pretend it ever went beyond that. And I'm really not mad at her at all. And I wouldn't ever call her a bitch, she's done nothing wrong at all this whole relationship.
How about being sad, depressed, moping? "It never works out for me. I had a girlfriend, and I blew it. I suck. I might as well become a monk, or a priest (after I convert to Catholicism), or something, that's how much of a chance I have." Nope, that doesn't work either. That would have been the likely response as recently as a year ago, but I know that this wasn't a "make or break" relationship. I know I won't have much trouble finding another girl if I really want to. Maybe it'll just have to be trial and error with girls. Well hell, that's what this one was. We had a trial period of dating, and it turned out to be an error.
And that's all that dating really should be. When I think about it, I suppose that this whole relationship was an ideal model for dating. Try it for a month or two, and figure out if it works. If it isn't, well, break up, no hard feelings. We're still friends, so there's really nothing but good coming from the whole ordeal. I learned how to date, and made a friend.
So I'm not going to go off to some extreme of anger or despair. I'm just going to take it for what it is: an amicable end of a trial period. But where from here? Should I start dating right away? Actually that's an unfair question. I'm not going to start dating again until I see someone promising come along. If that happens in a year, well, I won't date for a year. If it happens tomorrow... damn. I doubt I would start dating someone tomorrow. I'd try to cultivate a friendship maybe, and pave the way toward dating. But of course, there's that damn "too good of friends" thing that would throw a wrench in the whole thing. Maybe I'd have to just remain aloof and ignore her until I'm mentally prepared to start back into it, then try to jump right into dating (skip the friendship) after the cooling down period. Unless it was the oft-talked-about-but-little-experienced "love at first sight". Then maybe I'd consider trying it right away. But I'd have some serious doubts about the ability of my gut instinct to make good decisions. So barring any miracles, I have a feeling I'll be out of the game for a little bit. Time will tell at this point.
So... am I happy? No. I'm unhappy that we couldn't turn it into anything better than what we had. But am I happy that what we had ended? Yes. Making out doth not a romance make. If we had gone on any longer, we would have just been deluding ourselves and hurting each other by trying to make it work.
Now I'm free to see if anything else will work.
The instant she said "we need to talk" I knew what was going to happen. Over the few minutes it took me to get over there to talk to her face to face, I doubted it for a bit, but I wasn't really fooling anyone. I knew as soon as she asked to talk.
Typical, storyboarded emotional responses ran through my head at that instant... Should I get mad? "Fuck her for breaking up with me! The bitch! How many times am I going to hear the 'just friends' line from a girl?" No, no, that really doesn't fit at all with the situation... We are just friends, and I can't really pretend it ever went beyond that. And I'm really not mad at her at all. And I wouldn't ever call her a bitch, she's done nothing wrong at all this whole relationship.
How about being sad, depressed, moping? "It never works out for me. I had a girlfriend, and I blew it. I suck. I might as well become a monk, or a priest (after I convert to Catholicism), or something, that's how much of a chance I have." Nope, that doesn't work either. That would have been the likely response as recently as a year ago, but I know that this wasn't a "make or break" relationship. I know I won't have much trouble finding another girl if I really want to. Maybe it'll just have to be trial and error with girls. Well hell, that's what this one was. We had a trial period of dating, and it turned out to be an error.
And that's all that dating really should be. When I think about it, I suppose that this whole relationship was an ideal model for dating. Try it for a month or two, and figure out if it works. If it isn't, well, break up, no hard feelings. We're still friends, so there's really nothing but good coming from the whole ordeal. I learned how to date, and made a friend.
So I'm not going to go off to some extreme of anger or despair. I'm just going to take it for what it is: an amicable end of a trial period. But where from here? Should I start dating right away? Actually that's an unfair question. I'm not going to start dating again until I see someone promising come along. If that happens in a year, well, I won't date for a year. If it happens tomorrow... damn. I doubt I would start dating someone tomorrow. I'd try to cultivate a friendship maybe, and pave the way toward dating. But of course, there's that damn "too good of friends" thing that would throw a wrench in the whole thing. Maybe I'd have to just remain aloof and ignore her until I'm mentally prepared to start back into it, then try to jump right into dating (skip the friendship) after the cooling down period. Unless it was the oft-talked-about-but-little-experienced "love at first sight". Then maybe I'd consider trying it right away. But I'd have some serious doubts about the ability of my gut instinct to make good decisions. So barring any miracles, I have a feeling I'll be out of the game for a little bit. Time will tell at this point.
So... am I happy? No. I'm unhappy that we couldn't turn it into anything better than what we had. But am I happy that what we had ended? Yes. Making out doth not a romance make. If we had gone on any longer, we would have just been deluding ourselves and hurting each other by trying to make it work.
Now I'm free to see if anything else will work.
Ego Sum Madidus
I've read over some of my old posts, and I've realized that I talk a lot about drinking and being drunk. This is both to be expected, and not to be expected. It's not to be expected because I really don't drink as much as would be indicated by my posts. I'm usually moderate (despite being a frat boy), and getting as drunk as I am now is a rare occurence. But it's also to be expected because when I'm drunk is the only time I have the balls to write about whatever happens to be on my mind. If I'm not drunk, I tend to overanalyze my posts to the point where then end up not getting published at all.
Really, I think I'm stupid when I'm sober. There, I said it. Now my sober self will get pissed and try to beat up my drunk self. But my sober self will realize that it will have complete control if it decides to not drink at all. So the sober self will win out. However, I think the sober self needs a bit of spice, so as to not get bored. Mr. Hyde will return with a vengence and wreak its revenge on my sober self by doing embarassing things.
Am I stupid when I'm sober or when I'm drunk? Or maybe I'm just stupid in general, and different aspects of the stupidity reveal themselves when I'm in different stages of drunkeness. (One of these stages includes sobriety, which is the one in which I am for the VAST majority of the time, believe it or not.)
Well, I'm a bit too drunk to find a rational answer to that question, so I think I'll leave it for teh internet to answer: Am I stupid when I'm sober or when I'm drunk?
Really, I think I'm stupid when I'm sober. There, I said it. Now my sober self will get pissed and try to beat up my drunk self. But my sober self will realize that it will have complete control if it decides to not drink at all. So the sober self will win out. However, I think the sober self needs a bit of spice, so as to not get bored. Mr. Hyde will return with a vengence and wreak its revenge on my sober self by doing embarassing things.
Am I stupid when I'm sober or when I'm drunk? Or maybe I'm just stupid in general, and different aspects of the stupidity reveal themselves when I'm in different stages of drunkeness. (One of these stages includes sobriety, which is the one in which I am for the VAST majority of the time, believe it or not.)
Well, I'm a bit too drunk to find a rational answer to that question, so I think I'll leave it for teh internet to answer: Am I stupid when I'm sober or when I'm drunk?
It's OK to Call It Gay
I'm sure that quite a few people have read Drudge's article on Chris Rock bashing the Oscars. This is pretty mundane, just typical Hollywood gossip. But take a look at the response from Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) executive director Joan Garry in this article. I quote:
Chris Rock isn't making fun of gays -- he's poking fun at the Oscars. It's shtick.See, this is what I've thought all along. It's just nice to hear someone from GLAAD itself confirm it. So, if anyone ever tells you not to call something "gay" in scorn because it's intolerant or it's defamatory, direct their attention to that defense of Chris Rock. Remind them that it's OK to use gay people as an object of ridicule now, if it's part of a shtick. GLAAD said so. Someone had better tell Schwazenegger he can still use that old SNL shtick about the girly men...
Artist of the Moment
If there's any single piece of music that has made me wish that I knew how to play the guitar, it's "The Fisherman" by Leo Kottke. As Mr. Kottke himself says, "This is about the mad fishermen of the North whose ice fishing spots resemble national shrines." Now, I have no idea what that actually means, but what I do know is that I've had the damn song on repeat for like 10 repetitions. And this comes just in time for me to have audioscrobbler working again.
I really enjoy the simplicity of just one guy playing a guitar. He makes complex sounds out of it, especially when he uses his 12-string, but there's something enjoyably natural and simple about the whole affair. Anything from his album "6 and 12 String Guitar" (that's the only complete album I have) is excellent, and I highly recommend giving it a listen if you ever have a chance.
Another something interesting to check out is group hug. Completely anonymous posts that get put out for the world to see. I've already posted something. What it is, we may never know.
OK, I'm going to collapse in a drunken stupor.
I really enjoy the simplicity of just one guy playing a guitar. He makes complex sounds out of it, especially when he uses his 12-string, but there's something enjoyably natural and simple about the whole affair. Anything from his album "6 and 12 String Guitar" (that's the only complete album I have) is excellent, and I highly recommend giving it a listen if you ever have a chance.
Another something interesting to check out is group hug. Completely anonymous posts that get put out for the world to see. I've already posted something. What it is, we may never know.
OK, I'm going to collapse in a drunken stupor.
De Amicitiis Meis
I've decided that daily posting just isn't going to work for me under the present circumstances. There are too many distractions, and my computer isn't exactly easy to use at the moment. And I'm not that good at coming up with things to write about. Of course, it really shouldn't be "coming up with things". I should be writing when I have something to write about. I can't force inspiration, and if I were to try, it would just be crap. And I'm lazy. But on to the post:
Over Christmas break, I made a fair amount of money working at a consumer electronics retailer working on commission. I had the best dollar per hour sales for my store in the month of December, and I had one of the best dollar per ticket amounts, too. I kicked ass. I could sell to people. And I don't know how I did it.
Similarly, I have a lot of friends. Some really close friends, some pretty good friends, and a lot of people who always say "hi" and smile when they see me. There are even a couple of girls who have decided that I am their "favorite". I can meet people really well. And I don't know how or why.
These are basically the same issues. Selling to someone is basically making small talk and becoming their friend. Then you help them (as any true friend would) discover that they need something that you happen to be selling. That part isn't like friendship, but the initial meet and greet is. So I have the ability to do this pretty well, and it confuses me.
It used to be that I had no idea how to socialize. When I started 7th grade at a new school, it took me a semester and a half before I had even one good friend. Highschool was similar, though slightly better. My first year of college was par for the course. The first semester at Hillsdale - ditto. Few friends, and no way to meet people.
But now things have inexplicably turned completely around. I've been trying to think of something that changed between then and now. I don't feel like I'm a different person at all, really. I still have the same slightly off-kilter sense of humor. I haven't changed my mode of speech. My appearance... better, but not anything to write home about. So why and how have I become so much more sociable?
The possibilities:
I think that working retail has helped me get the basic patterns of conversation down. How to respond to certain things, what to say to start or stop a conversation, etc. It also is a huge help with meeting people. I got the balls to just go up to someone and start talking, and to make myself interesting enough to not get blown off. But of course, I've been working there for the past five Christmases, so that can't have been the whole reason for my new-found social skills.
Ah! But the Christmas of '03, that was the one where I got put in the good mood that lasted several months, and still resonates even today. Like a permanent good day. That made things a lot easier for me to be a good friend, as I was much more pleasant to talk to. It also helped out my sales, as I'm a lot less surly. I've blogged about this before, but I'm far too lazy to look up the post.
Then I suppose there was pledging. As cliche, stupid, or whatever as it may sound, joining a fraternity did change me. I have brothers on whom I can rely to keep me accountable for my stupidity, and encourage me if I'm not sure of myself. And it's a lot easier to risk making yourself look like an ass when you know you have a bunch guys who know you are one, but don't really care. That was a good move.
OK, I suppose I do know how I have so many friends, and how I sold so well. There hasn't really been a noticable shift at all, just a few things here or there that add up to me breaking out of my shell without realizing it at all. I went into this post worrying that it was all just a fluke, and I could lose it at any time. But I think that if I just keep doing what I've been doing, I'll do just fine where friends (and sales) are concerned. Yes, my day just got two notches better, and not just because it's now Friday.
Whenever people ask me "how are you doing" or some other such small-talk question, I always think about it seriously. It used to throw people off when I would say "not too well" or the like. Now people ignore the answer, but at least I'm telling the truth when I say that I'm having a great day.
Over Christmas break, I made a fair amount of money working at a consumer electronics retailer working on commission. I had the best dollar per hour sales for my store in the month of December, and I had one of the best dollar per ticket amounts, too. I kicked ass. I could sell to people. And I don't know how I did it.
Similarly, I have a lot of friends. Some really close friends, some pretty good friends, and a lot of people who always say "hi" and smile when they see me. There are even a couple of girls who have decided that I am their "favorite". I can meet people really well. And I don't know how or why.
These are basically the same issues. Selling to someone is basically making small talk and becoming their friend. Then you help them (as any true friend would) discover that they need something that you happen to be selling. That part isn't like friendship, but the initial meet and greet is. So I have the ability to do this pretty well, and it confuses me.
It used to be that I had no idea how to socialize. When I started 7th grade at a new school, it took me a semester and a half before I had even one good friend. Highschool was similar, though slightly better. My first year of college was par for the course. The first semester at Hillsdale - ditto. Few friends, and no way to meet people.
But now things have inexplicably turned completely around. I've been trying to think of something that changed between then and now. I don't feel like I'm a different person at all, really. I still have the same slightly off-kilter sense of humor. I haven't changed my mode of speech. My appearance... better, but not anything to write home about. So why and how have I become so much more sociable?
The possibilities:
I think that working retail has helped me get the basic patterns of conversation down. How to respond to certain things, what to say to start or stop a conversation, etc. It also is a huge help with meeting people. I got the balls to just go up to someone and start talking, and to make myself interesting enough to not get blown off. But of course, I've been working there for the past five Christmases, so that can't have been the whole reason for my new-found social skills.
Ah! But the Christmas of '03, that was the one where I got put in the good mood that lasted several months, and still resonates even today. Like a permanent good day. That made things a lot easier for me to be a good friend, as I was much more pleasant to talk to. It also helped out my sales, as I'm a lot less surly. I've blogged about this before, but I'm far too lazy to look up the post.
Then I suppose there was pledging. As cliche, stupid, or whatever as it may sound, joining a fraternity did change me. I have brothers on whom I can rely to keep me accountable for my stupidity, and encourage me if I'm not sure of myself. And it's a lot easier to risk making yourself look like an ass when you know you have a bunch guys who know you are one, but don't really care. That was a good move.
OK, I suppose I do know how I have so many friends, and how I sold so well. There hasn't really been a noticable shift at all, just a few things here or there that add up to me breaking out of my shell without realizing it at all. I went into this post worrying that it was all just a fluke, and I could lose it at any time. But I think that if I just keep doing what I've been doing, I'll do just fine where friends (and sales) are concerned. Yes, my day just got two notches better, and not just because it's now Friday.
Whenever people ask me "how are you doing" or some other such small-talk question, I always think about it seriously. It used to throw people off when I would say "not too well" or the like. Now people ignore the answer, but at least I'm telling the truth when I say that I'm having a great day.
De Feminis
A quick discussion of how I go about befriending females, written while slightly drunk, and adapted from a series of brief, drunken talks I had with one of my female friends over the course of the night (and, for both of these reasons, probably a little tough to follow):
The first part in the series of conversations began innocently enough. I've been dating a girl for a little bit now (that post from few weeks ago had a bigger effect that I would have thought), and ever since I've been dating her, my female friends have been commenting on how nice it is that I still hang out with them, and that I'm still nice to them. Apparently it's a common thing for a guy who get a girlfriend to put the rest of the girls he knows on the back burner, to stop hanging out with them, and to generally ignore their existence. It suprised me to hear this. But then when I thought it through, I realized the sad truth of the matter.
I think most guys agree that for any female friend that they have (I mean "friend" friend, not "girlfriend" friend), there is always some sort of attraction (more than just a "friend" friend attraction), even though there is nothing really there, and there is no chance for anything to be there. But unfortunately a lot of guys have this as the only reason for befriending females. They are attracted, so they try to become friends, to move within striking distance. Then, when something does happen with one girl, they drop the rest faster than you can say "opportunist".
For most of highschool, this attraction that I felt for all females really messed things up for me. I was unable to befriend females because I didn't know how to ignore the attraction. I did have a few female friends, mainly because they went out of their way to be friendly to me, and I just played along with it. And of course in my first year of college, it really didn't matter, as the male-female ratio was 3:1, and I was on an all-guy floor, and I didn't drink or party at all. But sophomore year, the first year at Hillsdale, I finally figured it out how to ignore the attraction I feel for any reasonably pretty girl I meet. The "how" is really not that big of an issue. The real point is that I learned how before I even tried to befriend girls.
Being able to do this made it much easier to meet girls, because I was no longer hung up on wanting to fuck them (sorry, just being honest). So now I can meet girls, and become friends with girls. And now I befriend girls whom I find interesting, and whose personality and intellect interest me enough to outweigh the potential trouble of ignoring any attraction I might feel for them. The attraction I feel for a girl is really a detriment to any potential friendship, and I make sure that the benefit of the friendship is going to outweigh the mental cost of ignoring the attraction. Very cynical, I know, but it does leave me with a bunch of really cool female friends, and prevents me from becoming a cuddle bitch.
So, if I am friends with a girl, it is because I have fun hanging out with them, because they're intellectually stimulating, and (in essence) because I want to have them as a friend. It is never because I want to use friendship as a stepping stone to dating, though of course I wouldn't be opposed to it if the chips fell that way and we were both single. I never have any ulterior motives in being a friend to a girl.
I do feel an attraction for them, but I am quite capable of ignoring it, and putting it aside. Call bullshit if you will, but I have a girlfriend with whom I am quite happy, and I have no reason to be seeking anything else.
I'm not "keeping my options open", I'm just enjoying friendship.
The first part in the series of conversations began innocently enough. I've been dating a girl for a little bit now (that post from few weeks ago had a bigger effect that I would have thought), and ever since I've been dating her, my female friends have been commenting on how nice it is that I still hang out with them, and that I'm still nice to them. Apparently it's a common thing for a guy who get a girlfriend to put the rest of the girls he knows on the back burner, to stop hanging out with them, and to generally ignore their existence. It suprised me to hear this. But then when I thought it through, I realized the sad truth of the matter.
I think most guys agree that for any female friend that they have (I mean "friend" friend, not "girlfriend" friend), there is always some sort of attraction (more than just a "friend" friend attraction), even though there is nothing really there, and there is no chance for anything to be there. But unfortunately a lot of guys have this as the only reason for befriending females. They are attracted, so they try to become friends, to move within striking distance. Then, when something does happen with one girl, they drop the rest faster than you can say "opportunist".
For most of highschool, this attraction that I felt for all females really messed things up for me. I was unable to befriend females because I didn't know how to ignore the attraction. I did have a few female friends, mainly because they went out of their way to be friendly to me, and I just played along with it. And of course in my first year of college, it really didn't matter, as the male-female ratio was 3:1, and I was on an all-guy floor, and I didn't drink or party at all. But sophomore year, the first year at Hillsdale, I finally figured it out how to ignore the attraction I feel for any reasonably pretty girl I meet. The "how" is really not that big of an issue. The real point is that I learned how before I even tried to befriend girls.
Being able to do this made it much easier to meet girls, because I was no longer hung up on wanting to fuck them (sorry, just being honest). So now I can meet girls, and become friends with girls. And now I befriend girls whom I find interesting, and whose personality and intellect interest me enough to outweigh the potential trouble of ignoring any attraction I might feel for them. The attraction I feel for a girl is really a detriment to any potential friendship, and I make sure that the benefit of the friendship is going to outweigh the mental cost of ignoring the attraction. Very cynical, I know, but it does leave me with a bunch of really cool female friends, and prevents me from becoming a cuddle bitch.
So, if I am friends with a girl, it is because I have fun hanging out with them, because they're intellectually stimulating, and (in essence) because I want to have them as a friend. It is never because I want to use friendship as a stepping stone to dating, though of course I wouldn't be opposed to it if the chips fell that way and we were both single. I never have any ulterior motives in being a friend to a girl.
I do feel an attraction for them, but I am quite capable of ignoring it, and putting it aside. Call bullshit if you will, but I have a girlfriend with whom I am quite happy, and I have no reason to be seeking anything else.
I'm not "keeping my options open", I'm just enjoying friendship.
Obesa Cantavit
Mondays are terrible. The day begins at 8 AM, and doesn't really let up until 5 PM, and even then I still have homework and various other things to keep me busy until I collapse in my room from exhaustion. Maybe I should play less poker and watch less Star Trek... Nah...
Movie scripts are quite interesting. I'm not one that usually notices the framing of a movie, or the nuances of the camera's motion (though my film class is starting to change that), but being able to read it makes it really easy to see just what they were intending to do with particular shots. I'm going to skim through some of the scripts in that repository to see if I can find any good ideas for the movie we have to make for said class.
Speaking of class, I just realized I have to be up in less than 7 hours.
Curses.
Movie scripts are quite interesting. I'm not one that usually notices the framing of a movie, or the nuances of the camera's motion (though my film class is starting to change that), but being able to read it makes it really easy to see just what they were intending to do with particular shots. I'm going to skim through some of the scripts in that repository to see if I can find any good ideas for the movie we have to make for said class.
Speaking of class, I just realized I have to be up in less than 7 hours.
Curses.