As the ever jocund Mr. Alex Harner would say, the Star Wars shaped hole in my heart has been filled. And I found myself wondering, as I left the theater, what would be running through the head of someone who watched the Star Wars movies in order, without any prior knowledge not only of the plots of the movies, but also without any prior knowledge of the story behind the movies - how George Lucas made A New Hope on a shoestring budget, how it changed special effects in movies and all that sort of thing, and then how he made the prequel trilogy twenty years later.
Episode I:
Oh wow, someone spent a lot of money on this movie. Too bad it's absolute shit.
Episode II:
How the hell did they get the money to make another piece of crap like this, especially after that last bomb of a movie? Unbelieveable. Why is this kid so damn important? Why is any of this so damn important? Why are these people treated like I'm supposed to know them? Or is there just a complete lack of character developement? Oh well, it was a waste of two hours.
Episode III:
I have no idea what the hell is going on. Why is there so much attention being paid to this weird-looking costume that the dumbass kid is wearing? I mean, two minutes to put on a suit that makes him look like an oversized fly. More attention was paid to the suit than to the character himself, or at least the lines he was supposed to deliver. It seemed a little better than the last ones though.
Episode IV:
They must have pulled the funding or something, but they made another one anyway. But it's actually fun to watch. And the dialog isn't ridiculous. And I'm actually interested in what happens to the characters. I like the guy they pulled in to do an old Obi-Wan, and Darth Vader is a lot better being voiced by a black guy than being played by a kid who can't act. It's strange, though - we know that Luke and Leia are brother and sister, but there isn't a single sly little hint at it or anything.
Episode V:
Holy shit, this is really good. But they still must not trust them with real money, even though IV was a gigantic upswing. This is better funded than IV anyway, but what happened to all of the special effects? Oh well, it doesn't matter, the story carries it. There are all sorts of references to the first three movies, too. Kinda silly, if you ask me.
Episode VI:
Almost a return to form, really. It wasn't worthy of following V. Those furry things were ridiculous. The Emperor finally decided to show up again. He was only mentioned once in IV, and only had a fuzzy cameo in V. Weird. Anyway, it was still better than the first three, though I have a feeling that the writer for the first three had left for IV and V, but came back for this one. I detect a common thread of shit. But it is far less pronounced in this one. Strange.
All-in-all:
Apparently, it takes pulling funding for a project to get good. I just don't know why they didn't pull it earlier. Those first two were just God-awful.
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