Cowardice and Conclusions

I've reached a conclusion on the girlfriend conundrum. I'll wait for one of two things: a girl who actively pursues me, or a girl who strikes my fancy enough that I can't afford to not actively pursue her. Perhaps not perfect, but it leaves me with more peace of mind than any other course of action that I can think of while still leaving me a fair chance of not staying single.

OK, an explication... I'm still not sure about this, but it's how I've been thinking about things for the past week or so:

I used to think that I was a coward for not pursuing girls whom I saw as worth pursuing. I would tell myself that I ought to just go up and ask this or that girl out. Maybe one of them will say yes, maybe all of them will say no, but I ought to ask one. The fact that I never did left me with a considerable amount of angst. "But," I would always respond to myself, "there's such uncertainty... you never know if asking out someone like that will jeopardize your friendship with them, you never know if you'll end up dating then breaking up on bad terms, you never know if they'll end up thinking you're just some creep, you just never know..." And I would listen to myself, and not ask out anyone. And I thought I was a pussy. Maybe I was. Maybe I am.

But what I've decided is that calling myself a coward in that situation is really stupid. I just haven't met a girl for whom these "never knows" aren't real concerns. A girl for whom it's worth putting my pride, our friendship, etc. on the line because I'm that attracted to her. I'm not a coward, I just haven't found the right girl, and I'm not one to just ask out a girl for the hell of it. I want it to last. Really, even the fact that I can't narrow it down to one girl whom I want to ask out proves that there's no one single one worth asking out right now. Or maybe I'm just justifying my cowardice. But that's what I'm going to keep telling myself.

Which leaves me with two possible methods of ending up with a girlfriend: Either I meet "the one" that I talked about in the previous paragraph, or a girl pursues me and I recpiprocate. If a girl pursues me, then everything changes. I no longer have to worry about things ending up being awkward - they'll already end up that way if that's where the relationship goes. I don't have to worry about injured pride, she's already taken that risk. Wow, I sound like a cynical bastard. I probably am, too. I'm doing a cost/benefit analysis of dating possibilities. It should go beyond that. Of course, that's the whole thing with meeting someone who I must pursue, despite the risks and possible costs. The girl pursuing me is a different situation, so it has to be treated differently.

And even "the one" has a cost/benefit analysis attached with her. The potential benefit simply outweighs the cost very handily. So when a girl pursues me, it's similar, only the cost is significantly lowered. And really, the potential benefit skyrockets, too. Because I'd be far happier knowing that the girl actually is interested in me, and not just going on a date because she didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying no.

But this is mostly a moot point anyway. I've only been pursued once (that I know of), and that ended up being awkward because I had just started going out with my ex, and while I was mildly interested before I started dating, afterwards the pursuer sort of fell by the wayside. I don't hold much hope for that possibility. I'm going to wait for the one.

Or, the third possibility that I keep forgetting about is getting set up by friends with a well-vouched stranger. But that's another situation entirely, and I don't feel like thinking through it right now.

All in all, I'm feeling a hell of a lot better about the whole girlfriend scenario. Call me a blind optimist, but I'm sure it'll work out in the end.